Saturday, February 19, 2011
Ohh...the Personal IS Political!
Hi again friends. You'll be happy to know I am feeling much better today, and I actually kind of regret the decision to book the day off work, since I really could have been fine; not to mention I need the money. And I already took yesterday off - and called in sick on Tuesday because of a cold. Yeah, it hasn't really been my week.
Anyway, minimal cramping and bleeding, so that's good. I have received a lot of support and good wishes from the wonderful people in my life, which is very much appreciated. I also seem to have caught the confusingly ambivalent attention of Suzie Allcaps over at Big Blue Wave, so take that how you will. Thanks for the link love, Suzanne, and for pointing out that no, they in fact do not cover IUDs in sex ed. I wish they had. Just another reason we need comprehensive sex education, amirite?
I'm so glad I wrote about the experience right away, because even now it doesn't seem real. It couldn't have been THAT painful, right? It reminds me of my experience with tattoos: as soon as they start on it, I think, how could I have done this again?? It's HORRIBLE! (I told you I was a wimp). And I leave, and I think - I'm never doing this again. But now I think, there's a tattoo I really want...and it didn't hurt THAT much...I should get another one.
Yesterday I was ready to get up and walk out without the IUD if they would just stop, just take out the speculum and stop torturing me. But today I think, well, if it falls out, I'll be cool to get another one put in.
I'm an idiot.
Anyway, it hasn't fallen out (knock on wood).
The main thing I took away from this experience is that the personal truly is political. As soon as my partner came into the room, I said: "I'm not having babies." And I mean it. Ever. I knew that I didn't want to ever give birth, but this experience made it physically, viscerally real for me. I can. Not. Handle. The. Pain. I just can't. I am a soft soft lady, inside and out, and I'm ok with that. I have absolutely no interest in pushing a human being out of myself.
And the fact that there are people who don't want women to have that choice is so much more frightening to me today than it was on Wednesday. I don't know what childbirth is like, but if it's anything close to the pain I experienced yesterday (and I think it's probably worse), the thought of women having to do that without being 100%, totally, enthusiastically on board is sickening. I mean really. What. The. Fuck.
I have a lot of other thoughts, and they're coming soon, but that was the one that really stuck with me once the whole thing was over. And the commenters over at BBW can make all the smug judgments about my choices that they want, but I promise I am 100% more put off by their desire to control what goes on in the bodies of strangers than they are by my "potty mouth". Fuck you, fuck your oppressive, anti-woman bullshit you piece of shit fascist dickwads. How's that for potty mouth?
Seriously though, thanks for the support you guys.